So, Weeds ended, following a thoroughly lacklustre finale season. You know, I really wish it had ended with the sixth season. There were definitely some weak points before that (I didn’t really enjoy the fifth season, as I recall) but at least Nancy going to jail felt like a meaningful ending…as opposed to her getting out three years later and continuing to ruin the lives of everyone around her. Anyway, it was definitely better than the actual series finale, which transports us eight years or so into the future – a future where Shane has a moustache and a drinking problem and where Alexander Gould is just not a good actor, and where Doug’s storyline is still stupid (though it was nice to see Josh, his estranged gay son who disappeared after the pilot). In the future, Nancy is still needy and really, the only major character who experienced any meaningful growth was Silas. Of course, he also gets married to the girl he dated in high school who he once impregnated by poking holes in condoms without her knowledge, so…..that’s kind of messed up, probably. Anyway, I live tweeted the whole mess, so maybe you’ll enjoy this if you’re a masochist like me who watched this crap until the bitter end. Oh, and if you want to follow me on Twitter, it’s @alex_geedee. Like, 90 per cent of my tweets about TV, so, you know, be prepared for that.
Wait, did Stevie get less Mexican in the future?
Lol, future technology = keyboards in tables.
Nancy Botwin never ages, she just gets highlights.
In the future, everyone is stoned. That sounds right, actually.
Holy shit, is that Natasha Lyone?
Shane is grown up now because he has a moustache, obvs. Too bad he looks 12.
In the future, customer service still sucks.
Actually I kind of buy Doug as a cult leader.
Awwww so many blasts from the past taunting me, all like, remember when this was a good show?
Isabelle got a sex change, ok, sure.
Bath salts are still a thing in the future.
Ahahaha, gay Justin Chatwin. So old school.
Oh sweet, high carb diets are a thing in the future.
Can someone please reference Celia?
I wish this show would end with Nancy just leaving Andy alone at last. I feel like she can’t though.
Well. That is an oddly articulate 13-year-old.
Did those lesbians name their Chinese daughter China?
Nancy’s history is very confusing to us all, Stevie.
Oh god when Shane tries to act it’s sooooo awkward.
Aw, I love Andy, JUST LET HIM BE HAPPY, NANCY.
Hey, where is Jill in the future?
Ok, Rilo Kiley is always a good choice
Oh, Nancy smokes weed in the future.
The last scene was nice, but I’m mostly glad it’s over.
I don’t think this is exactly a profound observation, but I’m so sick of movie trailers that edit together the only three good minutes of a movie to make it look good, and then completely fail to deliver. I was thinking about this because I was talking about The Adjustment Bureau the other day for some reason. That’s a movie that was totally mediocre, but the preview made it look SO GOOD. I thought it was going to be the best thing ever. In case you need a refresher:
I mean, this looks like all the shit I like in a film – some kind of weird, dark concept based on a Philip K. Dick story and Emily Blunt. Whatever, I have specific tastes. Anyway, the movie didn’t deliver on whatever it was I was expecting. Honestly, I wish it had been weirder and darker, and that the adjustment bureau dudes’ one weakness wasn’t water. I also thought the ending was stupid. Like, yes, there was a struggle or whatever, but then the people who control the fabric of the universe just left these people alone because….Emily Blunt and Matt Damon were for realz in love I guess? I don’t know. Dumb.
Another more recent example is Snow White & the Huntsman, which had THE BEST TRAILER EVER!
COME ON. That is a great preview. You know you wanted to see this movie. And then you saw it and you were all…….really? REALLY? I know I should have known better. I should have remembered that, with few exceptions, I cannot stand Kristen Stewart. And she was in fine form in this one, with the constant lip biting and mumbling. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE SHE’S PRETTIER THAN CHARLIZE THERON I KNOW BEAUTY IS SUBJECTIVE BUT THAT’S JUST CRAZY! Anyway. I wish this movie had been called The Evil Queen, and was just about Theron’s character and that there was no stag in it. Like, yes, it was better than Mirror Mirror, but not that much better, and that is a travesty.
Anyway, I kind of just think whoever’s editing these trailers should also be editing the films they’re for. Because even if the previews are extremely short, they do tell a story. So why can’t these two minutes just be expanded to an hour and a half and form a good story instead of a mediocre one? I want to live in a world where they make the trailer first, and expand it to make the full movie. This seems logical! Why am I not a filmmaker/trailer editor?
Oh, and I should also mention that there are very rare occasions where the reverse thing happens and the trailer looks awful but then the movie is really good. Example: 21 Jump Street.
I watched it and, based on my experiences with trailers, I assumed these were the best scenes in the whole film. But I was so wrong! This movie was actually really funny, with animated drug trip scenes and weird Korean Jesus references and action scenes that referenced cliche action movies and awesome cameos. So I don’t think there’s a moral to this story – just don’t trust previews and see every movie ever to decide for yourself if it’s good. I’m a genius.
The last couple seasons of Project Runway have been totally lacklustre. Most recently, there was Project Runway All Stars, which was essentially a different show due to the different host and judges. I didn’t even watch the whole thing because it was just sooo obvious Mondo (who should have won his season) was going to win. I wasn’t going to go through a Heidi-less season for such an obvious conclusion. Anyway, the season before that was AWFUL. It was that one where Nina was obsessed with Anya, who could not sew and all her clothes looked the same, AND THEN SHE WON. Actually no one in that season was particularly great though, so whatever.
Anyway, it’s not like I really watch Project Runway for the clothes. Sure, that’s part of it – watching a designer create an entire beautiful outfit (or a total trainwreck of a garment) in an hour is fascinating. But what makes Project Runway great is when it’s filled with crazy people. This season may not be the craziest, but it definitely has its share of characters. Here are my top five favourite weirdos.
Kooan. I’m 95 per cent certain Kooan is actually a Harajuku Girl who escaped from Gwen Stefani. He left the show too soon! I wanted to see more brightly coloured jumpers with oversized buttons or whatever it was he was making.
Elena. Elena is an emotional basketcase. Most of the time she’s a mean girl who doesn’t play well with others and talks about how tough you have to be to survive in the Ukraine. I’m pretty sure she came up with the word “chiffonies” to describe the dudes on the show who are way into silk chiffon. But then she has random crying jags when things don’t go her way or when she has to design Wearable Clothes. Her clothes are mostly whatever…she’s really obsessed with shoulders for some reason…but I’m way into her bitchy, unpredictable personality.
Gunnar. I mean, his name is Gunnar Deatherage, so he seemed like a promising villain at first. He made up this random rivalry with Christopher, but that seems to have dropped off in recent weeks. He thinks he’s really fabulous, but he’s kind of just a shittier, tackier version of Christopher. Also: HIS HAIR. Ugh.
Dmitry. Dmitry is kind of the unsung hero of this season. The scene above was his shining moment, but he says unintentionally hilarious Russian-y things all the time. He’s an especially big fan of talking about how terrible Elena is behind her back. Also, while I feel like the judges are kind of ignoring him, I like his aesthetic! It’s kind of understated but elegant. I’m into it.
Ven. I couldn’t find a gif of Ven, which I assume is somehow related to the fact that….HE IS AN ANDROID. Ven is not capable of exhibiting or understanding human emotion, which leads to him saying things like, “I’m so excited about this challenge” in a complete monotone, or insulting the woman he’s designing for by basically calling her fat. Because he’s an android, all his clothes look pretty much the same – they all involve the same fold-y, flower-y technique.
As the season goes on and the pressure gets more intense, I can only assume things will escalate. I don’t really care who wins or anything (though I’m kind of into Sonjia – she’s pretty!). Mostly I’m just on Team Not Ven, because if the robots win, we all lose.