Sometimes I forget that not everyone watches, like, every show on television. I think this is because I read The A.V. Club a lot, and it makes me think that other people are watching Todd VanDerWerff levels of television. But based on conversations with my actual real life friends (yes, I have some of those) this is not true! For example, most of them have never even heard of Louie, which is just so mind-boggling to me that it usually causes me to yell at them for extended periods of time (hey, I never said I have a LOT of real life friends).
Anyway, my point is that if you’re not watching Louie, it’s time to start! The third season is airing right now, and every episode is like this little half hour masterpiece. If you’ve ever seen Louis C.K.’s stand-up (and if you haven’t, shame on you!) you know his humour tends to go beyond dark to pitch black. But also, he’s so funny, and so spot on. When he talks about his outlook on life, he manages to make observations that completely resonate with me, but which I am not even remotely clever enough to ever articulate myself. He talks about how OF COURSE he loves his young children but he also kind of hates them sometimes; about how people (himself included) don’t appreciate the wonders of modern technology; and he doesn’t mind admitting that being a white man is awesome. Um, I’m probably not making this sound funny. You should just watch him. He’s so funny, I promise.
On the show, he plays a version of himself. The world of Louie is similar to the real world, but everything is a little skewed, a little exaggerated, a little bizarre. In one episode, Louie watches a homeless man lose his head in a freak accident. In another, he babysits a child who eats raw meat. He has a super creepy sexual encounter with a woman who seems to have daddy issues, and in the next season, he goes on a trip to Ikea with her after she promises to give him a blow job. Probably my favourite scene of the series takes place while Louie is apartment hunting. At one point, he looks out the window and sees a homeless man standing on the street. A black town car pulls up, and men in suits take a similar-looking homeless guy out of the car, and usher the first one into the back seat before driving away.
This season has continued to be amazing. I especially loved the two episodes guest starring Parker Posey. Louie meets her character at the bookstore where she works in the midst of a quest to find a girlfriend, and immediately views her as his dream woman – smart, pretty and funny. Subsequent visits to the store seem to confirm that, as she recommends books for his daughter, and seems to be kind of into Louie.
But then he asks her out, and she goes from Manic Pixie Dream Girl to…mostly just manic. She’s refused service at the bar they go to because of whatever happened last time she was there, but she isn’t perturbed. She tells Louie about how she almost died from an illness as a teenager, which feels like it could be either a total lie or the absolute truth; she doesn’t seem to care as long as the spotlight’s on her and things are constantly happening. When Louie realizes he doesn’t even know her name, she makes up an elaborate lie about how her parents named her Tape Recorder. Oh, and she makes him try on a dress in a second-hand store. Eventually, they end up on a rooftop, where Posey goes from manic to just sad.
THIS is good television. Louie is genuinely funny, but also intelligent, dark and, most importantly, innovative. There’s nothing else quite like it on TV, and that’s why you should be watching it.
I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea – when I’m not watching copious amounts of television, I’m watching copious amounts of movies. The thing is that I review films as part of my job, and after writing two movie reviews a week, I guess I don’t always want to rehash it for a blog post. But, in the case of Moonrise Kingdom, I’m pretty much content to talk about it constantly.
This is probably my favourite movie of the year so far. I admit that I’m one of those people who believes Wes Anderson can do no wrong. I love his distinct style, his attention to detail, his characters, dialogue and plot. I think he’s great at balancing genuinely funny material with darker themes, and he’s at his best in Moonrise Kingdom.
I think I liked it so much because I felt like it really “got” what kids are like. The plot is about Sam (Jared Gilman) and Suzy (Kara Hayward), two 12-year-olds who become pen pals and make a plan to run away. They’re both pretty miserable because…do you remember being 12? When you’re 12, adults control most aspects of your life, but you’re old enough to realize adults don’t necessarily know what they’re doing, so everything is generally horrible.
Suzy’s dealing with parents (played by Frances McDormand and Bill Murray) who have marital issues, plus she found out they’re reading books about dealing with troubled children. She’s pretty sure she’s the troubled child. Sam has more serious issues, as an orphan with a foster family who isn’t overly concerned with his well-being. Now he’s at scout camp with a troop that doesn’t appreciate his particular brand of solemn weirdness.
So the kids run away (though they’re on an island, so they can’t get THAT far) pursued by Suzy’s parents, a scout master (Edward Norton) and the local sheriff (Bruce Willis). They take themselves very seriously, in the way children take themselves very seriously, and believe they can survive on their own with Sam’s wilderness skills, Suzy’s suitcase of books and their beautiful, adorable love for one another.
Everything about this film is so charming. The dialogue is sincere, and often really, really funny. It’s set in the ’60s, which means awesome vintage-looking sets and costumes. Until I watched this, I didn’t realize that my dream in life is to dress like a pre-teen from 1965.
Also, the two lead kids are SO WONDERFUL. This was the first film for both of them, and they were just perfect. The supporting cast of adults is great too, but it’s really easy for child actors to be grating and terrible, and these two were not, so they really stand out.
I’m sure people who hate Anderson’s other films will think Moonrise Kingdom too quirky or whimsical or twee or whatever it is that they hate about his other films (because it IS all those things, but I love those things!) but I swear, it’s also poignant and heartwarming and made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. So, you know, watch it!
Pretty much every post on this blog so far is about things I don’t particularly like. That’s because I find it sooo much easier to write about things I hate rather than things I actually, you know, like. It’s easy for me to point out the flaws in things that suck (in my opinion). It’s fine, I thrive on complaining about junk. When it comes to things I LIKE though, well, sometimes I just want to enjoy them and not analyze them or try to explain what I enjoy about them. But this week I’m going to try to be positive and write a few posts about stuff that I actually think is good. That was an eloquent way of putting it. Good job, Alex. OK, let’s do this.
Obviously, because I am a human being who’s alive in 2012, I love Breaking Bad. It’s pretty much the perfect show. I love the way the plot is constantly building up to some explosive event, and just when you think the show has reached its limit, something more insane happens. But it’s also all believable, at least within the universe of the show. The characters are so well-developed; even though it’s impossible to predict what they’ll do, once they do it, it always somehow makes sense.
Now that this season (or this half of the season, or whatever they’re calling it) is more than halfway done, I have to say I’m really into Skyler. Skyler is interesting because, while the other characters at least have SOME options, she doesn’t really have any. Walt could have gotten out of the meth biz after killing Gus; there’s no real reason why Jesse couldn’t walk away. Mike is sort of stuck, since he owes his guys a lot of money to stop them from talking, but at least he’s resourceful, he’s seen some shit.
Skyler’s situation is different. She could try to run away, but she’s obviously not going to leave her children, and how could she explain the situation to her teenage son, or keep her baby safe on the run? She’s gotten too involved now to turn Walt in – she willingly agreed to launder his meth money! Last season, Skyler viewed herself as a partner. But now that she realizes some of what Walt is capable of, she sees that she’s a hostage.
One of my favourite moments in this ridiculously amazing season was the conversation Walt and Skyler had after she walked into the pool while Hank and Marie were at the house (which was a totally genius move, by the way). As Skyler shouts her increasingly desperate options, she quickly realizes that she’s backed into a corner, that she doesn’t know what to do. She admits that she isn’t like Walt, that she can’t justify or lie her way out of the situation. Then, in what I think was Anna Gunn’s best moment in the whole series, she tells him all she can do is wait…and hope his cancer comes back.
I think I’m intrigued by Skyler because of how my attitude toward her has changed so drastically since Breaking Bad began. At first, she seemed like this stifling force, who was trying to suffocate a man who just wanted to provide for his family. That isn’t really a fair assessment, since her husband was literally cooking meth, but she didn’t KNOW that at the time. Even taking meth out of the equation, it seemed like she was used to controlling every situation, to having everything go her way, and when that didn’t happen, she was kind of an asshole.
Now that she doesn’t have control over anything, I have no idea what Skyler’s going to do next. She’s gotten the kids out of the house temporarily, having sent them to stay with Hank and Marie after convincing them she’s in need of psychological help, but it’s not really a permanent solution. Of course I’m still invested in Walt and Jesse, but for the time in the series, I’m really intrigued to see what Skyler does, too.
A combination of previews for the upcoming Twilight film and the “devastating” break-up of K Stew and R Pattz reminded me of this recap of Breaking Dawn – Part 1 I wrote on my old blog. Here is a slightly edited version of it. I’ll probably do this again when the new one comes out, because if I didn’t laugh about it, I might have to cry. Enjoy!
I recently saw this really obscure, quirky, indie film! You probably haven’t heard of it, because it’s super underground, and is probably too innovative to have any kind of mass appeal anyway.
No but seriously I saw the new Twilight movie, Breaking Dawn: Part 1. You probably have a lot of questions for me, such as, WHY? and SERIOUSLY WHY? and NO? I don’t know, the first three were totally entertaining! I did not read the books, obvs, I’m not a total sadist. I did watch the YouTube series Alex Reads Twilight (don’t get your hopes up…it’s not me reading it, it’s some British guy). Oh, and one time one of my friends was reading the books, and I picked up one of them and read a single sentence: “Bella lurched up the stairs.” I’m not sure how one lurches up stairs, but it doesn’t sound pretty.
But yeah, I’ve seen all the movies. And I contend they are totally hilarious in a weird, oh-my-god-how-is-this-really-a-thing kind of way. There is slow-motion running and pretty terrible CGI and over-dramatic teens and crappy acting and self-righteous wolves and vampire boyfriends who are super controlling and a heroine who NO ONE CAN EXPLAIN WHAT HER APPEAL IS SHE IS JUST WORTH STARTING INTER-SPECIES WARS OVER AND SHE’S CLUMSY I GUESS? OK.
This latest instalment, however, took things too far. Now, the negative messages of the Twilight series have been rehashed ad nauseam. But I haven’t written anything about them yet, so…yeah, I’m going to write my synopsis of it.
First of all, you should know that nothing in this movie makes any sense. It doesn’t even try. It’s like, this can be insanely stupid and illogical and tweens will watch the shit out of it. Damn it tweens! You’re ruining it for everyone. OK, so at the beginning, Edward and Bella are going to get married. It’s great because they’re soulmates I guess! At the age of 18, Bella has met all the boys ever in the world, so she knows for sure that Edward is the only one for her. PLUS he’s a vampire, and she seems to totally want to be a vampire too so that’s a plus (no idea why because gross you have to eat blood and live forever, that sounds SO TERRIBLE). Bella’s dad is all suspicious, but is also really, really stupid because he doesn’t seem to ever suspect that Edward is maybe not a regular human type person. He’s a really, really bad cop. Bella’s mom is like “Hurray my teenage daughter is finally getting married, it’s about time, I thought she was going to be a spinster!”
Anyway, Bella’s walking down the aisle and looks like she’s totally dreading the whole thing, but maybe that’s because she had a nightmare the night before? Not sure. Even in her dream sequence she was a bad actress. Anyway, she marries Edward and they make out forever. Anna Kendrick is funny, I wish she had been in this more! Jacob, that guy who’s a wolf, shows up and finds out Edward and Bella are totally going to DO IT before Bella is turned into a vampire. He’s like, “No, it will kill you or hurt you or something!” Uh what? Does Edward have an insanely large penis? Why will it kill her? No one explains that. Edward and Bella go away on a top-secret honeymoon for some reason. Her dad is like “I’m suspicious, but OK. BYE.” They go to Rio. Vampires are known for a love of the sun, so that makes sense. Edward doesn’t sparkle at all in this movie! I thought that was his schtick!
They totally do have sex and break the whole bed! Crazy vampire sex! Don’t worry, they don’t show any actual sex scenes. The next day, Bella has like, two bruises, and Edward is like, “OMG we can never do that again, I totally hurt you!” and she’s like, “What, I’m fine, didn’t we get married so we could have sex? What was the point of getting married then?” (I wish you had said that Bella. That would have been a good point.) Anyway, then later she begs him to have sex with her so he does. Ugh, what. That’s awful and stupid. So then all of a sudden she realizes she’s pregnant after staring at her totally flat stomach. But she did puke once I guess. Yeah, it’s totally awkward being pregnant with a vampire baby, and Edward’s family doesn’t know what to do or anything, and Edward totally wants her to get rid of it.
The thing about vampire babies is, they have an extremely fast gestation period, as everyone knows. So suddenly, Bella looks like she’s six months pregnant. I don’t know how much time has actually gone by. Maybe a month or so? Anyway, she tells her dad she’s sick and isn’t coming home, but really she IS back home with Edward’s family. Have I mentioned her dad is a bad cop? He doesn’t know that his daughter is in the same small town where they live. Ugh. Anyway even though Bella’s super pregnant, one of Edward’s “sisters” or whatever is like, “You should totes get rid of it!” because she thinks the birth will kill her. Um, how would they get rid of it at this stage without killing Bella anyway? Also, they never say “abort” just “get rid of it.” But yeah, Bella’s hearing none of it, she’s like, “Vampire don’t preach…I’m having my baby.” Edward is pissy because he’s not getting his way and he’s horrible.
Then Bella gets really sick and weak and (gross alert) they find out (based on like, a random thought based on absolutely nothing) that the baby wants blood, so Bella drinks blood and it’s SO GROSS. I wanted to vomit. OH also they can’t leave the house now, because the wolves are mad about the vampire baby? I have no idea why. They seem to think it’s an abomination, but I don’t know why they even care that much. They want to kill it and Bella, but Jacob is like, “No just kill the innocent baby you assholes, leave Bella alone because I love her for some reason, because she’s so clumsy maybe?” and they’re like, “No” so Jacob goes off on his own and protects Edward’s family.
Anyway, Bella goes into labour and has the GROSSEST BIRTH EVER except for maybe actual birth. But this was pretty gross! Then Edward has a Pulp Fiction-style shot of venom, which is how people become vampires I guess? That’s weird, but OK. So He gives her that, and seems to die. But the baby is alive! It’s a girl, named…wait for it….RENESMEE! It’s a combination of Renee and Esme who…I don’t remember who they are but who cares. Renesmee!!!
Jacob is supposed to kill the baby, though I’m not sure if he was really going to, but instead he imprints with it, which is what the wolves do when they like, pick a mate I guess. Yeah, for serious! A grown man-wolf locks eyes with a human-vampire baby that was literally just born and is like, “I want to do you someday.” WHAT!?!? It’s so weird and horribly wrong, I don’t even know. And what if the baby doesn’t want to be with some douchebag who used to be in love with her mother when she grows up? In any case, now the wolves can’t kill the baby because one of their own has imprinted with it, which is THEIR MOST SACRED RULE, which I’m pretty sure was mentioned for the first time after the fact, but uh, OK.
Back to Bella…don’t worry! She’s not dead for realsies. Venom takes over her blood or something and then she opens her eyes and they’re red! She’s a vampire now, duh. Who knows what happens next, because that’s the end of the movie. In the next one, maybe she tells her dad she’s a vampire with a vampire baby! Or maybe her dad figures it out using his award-winning detective skills. Don’t worry, he won’t. Maybe she and Edward will get a divorce! Maybe they can have sex now because she’s a vampire? Probably I’m going to be grossed out by whatever happens with Jacob and that baby. Peter Facinelli will probs be there because he plays the father figure vampire, and that will make me sad, because come on, Peter Facinelli, you’re better than that. Whatever happens, it’ll probably be terrible and gross, and I will totally watch it with sick fascination, because I just can’t help it! If watching Twilight and hating almost every minute of it is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
Fortunately, no one on the internet has anything to say about the way women are portrayed on The Newsroom, so this is going to be a totally original and mind-blowing discussion. I can’t help it though! I can’t stop watching the show, and the women on it drive me insane, so I just have to talk about it.
Now, people who like this show have told me that yes, the women are flawed, but all the other characters are flawed, too. It’s true that the men on the show have various issues, and they certainly make mistakes. But while the men’s screw-ups tend to affect their personal lives, they’re still generally pretty great at their jobs. They’re often misogynistic as hell toward the women in their lives, but still, they are competent human beings.
The women, on the other hand…the only phrase I can think of to properly describe them is HOT MESSES. They are a bunch of hot messes who are totally, bizarrely incapable of handling anything in a remotely rational manner, from their love lives to their jobs (and most of the time, those two worlds are more or less interchangeable).
I’d also like to say that I really hate talking about feminism and junk, because I like to pretend that we live in a society where everyone believes that Everyone Is Equal. But, unfortunately, we totally don’t, because HELLO THE NEWSROOM IS A SHOW THAT’S ON HBO OF ALL CHANNELS AND PEOPLE WATCH AND ENJOY IT.
Anyway. I’m going to attempt to make my point by talking about how each main character is portrayed. Let’s start with the men!
Will. Will McAvoy is the deeply damaged anchor of News Night. A lot of the reason why he’s damaged is because his current executive producer, Mackenzie, cheated on him this one time when they were dating, like, four years ago, and it was the worst thing anyone has ever done to anyone ever. He didn’t see her for years after that, until she started working for his show again, but he’s still not over it, and she is a horrible person because she cheated on Will McAvoy, OK? Will is our hero, and we are supposed to like and admire him…I think. Sometimes I’m not sure if we’re supposed to like him (I certainly don’t) but I think we’re at least supposed to find him admirable.
Anyway, he likes going on dates with lots of vapid women with whom he has nothing in common and he likes to teach them why their interests are wrong and stupid, and he likes to parade these women in front of Mackenzie, because, did I mention she cheated on him? Despite the fact that Will is a total asshole in his personal life, he is a god when he’s on the air, because he is the Media Elite (because he said so one time I guess?) Sure he makes occasional mistakes, like that time when he gave Sarah Palin unnecessary coverage to improve ratings (but mostly to piss off Mackenzie), or the time when he stuttered a bit because he was unnerved by the fact that he was a bully on the air, but Will is also the kind of guy who can give a perfect report on the death of Osama Bin Laden, even though he’s so stoned he has forgotten how to tie a tie and has lost most of his motor skills.
Jim. Jim is Really Great at Journalism. We are told that in the first episode. He has many sources, and he knows all kinds of things about pretty much every topic without even having to use Google! He has a crush on his coworker, Maggie, because Mackenzie told him to in the first episode. But Jim is a Nice Guy, so he doesn’t pursue anything with Maggie, or tell her he has feelings for her, because she has this terrible boyfriend, Don. Instead, he lets Maggie bully him into continuing to date her roommate after Don sets the two up. Actually the roommate doesn’t seem that bad at all, but Jim can never love her because, you know, Maggie. Anyway, Jim is mostly just a well-meaning guy who gets caught up in drama because Maggie is insane, but is generally just really focused on doing well at his job. And also saving Maggie. He saves Maggie whenever he isn’t doing his job.
Don. Don is the worst. He is a producer who’s dating Maggie, and he mostly exists so Maggie and Jim can’t be together. He yells at people a lot and is arrogant as hell, and is basically a bad person. He breaks up with Maggie and gets back with her a bunch. He condescends to her (and everyone else). I think he’s about the same age as Maggie, but he takes it upon himself to instruct and correct her a bunch. Most recently he was a total asshole to a female flight attendant who was doing her job, but then immediately calmed down and got super respectful when a male pilot made an appearance. Yeah, Don sucks, but he’s way into his job. Most of his mistakes come from pushing people too hard, like when he encourages a reporter to go into the streets of Egypt to get a story, and the reporter is attacked. So you know, he does make professional missteps, but they’re errors of passion rather than incompetence.
Neal. OK, sure, Neal has a quirk: he’s kind of a conspiracy theorist, who insists Bigfoot is real, and wants to talk about aliens. He seems to legitimately think these things should be reported on the news. But fortunately, he’s very good at using the internet. He updates Will’s blog, and he even goes online to find reliable foreign correspondents! Generally, he’s just a loveable nerd who understands how to use basic technology.
Charlie. Charlie runs the channel’s news division. He drinks too much. He’s old school (check it out, he wears a bow tie!) and he believes in Doing the News Right, and presenting the facts rather than both sides of the story. Or maybe Will says that. Anyway, one time Charlie called Sloan, who is a grown up, female economics reporter “Girl” a bunch. That was weird. Then he tells her to lie and pretend to be an idiot to get her out of a jam she got herself into. That doesn’t seem like great advice, D.A. Jack McCoy! I mean, Charlie. In general, Charlie seems to be a pretty good guy, who is trying to protect Will and keep him out of the tabloids.
So, OK, those are the men of The Newsroom. Definitely flawed! Often dismissive of women. But still, they are like humans who are capable of functioning in society on a daily basis. Now, let’s talk about the women.
Sloan. Of the three main female characters, Sloan generally bothers me the least. She was chosen by Mackenzie to be on News Night in a nightly segment where she talks about the economy. She was chosen for a combination of her great legs, basic comprehension of grammar, and for her expertise on economics. But whatever, that’s not Sloan’s fault. Actually I thought she was mostly fine until last week, when it turned out she didn’t understand what off the record means. Now, Sloan is presented more as an economist than a reporter, but as a person who is making nightly appearances on the news, who is intelligent enough to have a PhD, and who is the one who told the person she was interviewing that he was off the record, the whole thing was inexcusable. Basically, she called this guy out ON THE AIR, bringing up an off the record conversation they’d had earlier to try to make him admit something. Also she screamed at him in Japanese. On the air. What? In the same episode, Sloan asked to touch a bodyguard’s pecs, and confused a comment Don made about how she is “expanding” professionally as a jibe at her weight. As Sloan gets more screen time, it appears she’s getting stupider, which is a total bummer.
Mackenzie. Mackenzie is a total train wreck. The weird thing about the show is, it seems to want us to think she isn’t a train wreck, and that she’s actually a very competent person. I feel like this based on the fact that, when we’re first introduced to her, we’re told that she’s been working in war zones. But I mean, when she was working in war zones was she capable of using a Blackberry without accidentally forwarding an email to everyone she works with confessing she cheated on her ex-boyfriend/current co-worker that one time a few years ago? I hope not! I hope that didn’t happen after someone specifically gave her directions about how to NOT DO THAT earlier that very same day. Because, ugh, that would be an insanely stupid thing to do.
Every time Mackenzie tries to do anything related to her job, she’s distracted by the fact that she dated Will and cheated on him. She seems to be overwhelmed with guilt over this mistake she made, in cheating on such a paragon of virtue (I’m not saying cheating is right or anything, but OH MY GOD THIS IS AFFECTING EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE, TIME TO LET IT GO). This causes her to be perpetually frazzled. I think we’re supposed to find this endearing, but it just makes me want to shake her. She’s passionate about her work, which is nice, but mostly she expresses it by being shrill and yelling at, like, everyone all the time. Mackenzie is basically the worst, except for…
Maggie. Maggie, Maggie, Maggie. Poor, sweet Maggie. Maggie is the character who makes me the angriest, because I feel like she’s the one I have the most in common with. She’s a 26-year-old woman who works in journalism and is prone to anxiety. Those are also facts about me! The problem with Maggie is…everything else. Maggie is an associate or assistant producer or something who repeatedly shows herself to be intelligent by having a vast pool of knowledge and getting important interviews and all kinds of useful things. So that’s good! But then there was that time she interviewed a guy who she used to date until she hid under his bed while he had sex with his ex-girlfriend. Wait, what? Anyway, she didn’t tell anyone she had a personal connection to the source, blew the interview, then told Jim (who is her boss) the whole pathetic story for some unknown reason.
So Maggie is in this relationship with Don, which is mostly bad because of how Don is awful. She is obviously in love with Jim from episode 1, but because she has no agency whatsoever, she just keeps dating Don for the next year anyway for no reason. Don senses there’s something between Maggie and Jim, so he sets Jim up with Maggie’s roommate. From then on, Maggie gets insanely jealous of Jim’s relationship, and literally screams at him in front of their coworkers in one of the most cringe-inducing scenes ever. She also becomes overly involved in Jim’s relationship, doing things like planning his Valentine’s Day (because ladies are OBSESSED with Valentine’s Day, it turns out) in a really desperate attempt to hide her feelings for him.
Maggie thinks LOL stands for Lots of Love. She confuses Georgia the state with Georgia the country. She can only stop having a panic attack when Jim saves her. And even worse, her whole relationship drama isn’t even interesting. Like, I just saw this EXACT SAME TRIANGLE on The Office. The Jim Halpert character is even literally named Jim! Ugh. I hate everything about Maggie and every plot she’s involved with, and the thought of working with someone like her or Mackenzie who allows their personal life to affect every aspect of their professional life makes me want to vomit.
OK, this went on much longer than I was expecting, but I have to say, I feel like I have at least scratched the surface of the things I hate about The Newsroom! It feels very cathartic. I may do this again…there are three more episodes in the season, after all, and I’m sure there will be all kinds of things that fill me with anger.
Today I saw Total Recall with my mom. It was approximately as mediocre as I expected, so the best part for me were her comments and general confusion. I think I need to start seeing more bad movies with my mom.
Mom: Wait, who’s the main guy in this?
Me: Colin Farrell.
Mom: What? That’s Colin Farrell? I thought it was that guy from that sitcom! You know. John something.
Mom: Santos! John Santos.
Me: Who’s John Santos? That’s definitely Colin Farrell.
Mom: Oh. Are you sure?
(About an hour and a half into the movie)
Mom: Hey, that’s that guy! From that show!
Me: Are you talking about Bryan Cranston? From Breaking Bad? He’s been in this whole movie!
Mom: Yeah, he looks different, I think.
Mom: Well, at least she (Jessica Biel) has nice teeth.
Mom: Is she (Kate Beckinsale’s character) ever going to die? This is ridiculous.
Me: I don’t know, probably.
Mom: I hope she dies.
(As we’re leaving the theatre)
Mom: I hated that. I still don’t even know what it was about.
Me: What didn’t you get?
Mom: I don’t know. Don’t explain it. I just hated it.